Get Informed!
25 Tips
to keep your marriage relationship growing
Tip 1 - Keep talking
The importance of talking cannot be overstated. You should be able to tell your husband/wife anything. Your spouse should be the one you share your thoughts with, seek an opinion from, and generally chat to the most.
In married life you will encounter many problems and experience many low periods. The best way to overcome these times is by lovingly talking them through with your spouse and working out a solution. Also, without good lines of communication, couples will often keep their feelings to themselves, usually negative feelings. All this does is encourage resentment and frustration and therefore gradually gnaw away at the foundations of your marriage.
Tip 2 - Share your dreams
We all have dreams about the future - where we would like to live, what we would like to be doing and so on.
Why keep these dreams to yourself? Share them with your husband/wife. Talk about your future together and what you want the coming years to bring. Looking ahead together, helps bring you closer as a couple. Discussing your dreams can also enable both of you to try to work together to achieve them.
Tip 3 - Financial plan
A high proportion of arguments in marriage are caused by money.
Credit cards, mortgage payments, taxes, utility bills - all these expenses can put strain on your purse strings and ultimately your marriage.
To try to keep monetary disagreements to a minimum, you should draw up a financial plan together. This enables both parties to see when money is coming in and when it's going out.
By establishing a spending plan, it also helps discourage you from overspending and getting yourself into financial difficulty.
Tip 4 - Don't stop dating
Marriage can be boring. The monotony of daily life can slowly begin to take its toll. One of the best ways to ensure your relationship remains fresh is to keep dating.
Go somewhere just to enjoy one another and the beauty of the outdoors. Or you can go to a restaurant for dinner, go to the movies, stay one night in a hotel or just go for a walk - just get out anywhere for a change of scenery and to be alone as a couple.
Remember how great it was when you first started dating?
There's absolutely no reason why you can't keep your relationship alive as a married couple if you are willing to make yourselves a priority.
Tip 5 - Surprises
A marriage can easily slip into a rut of predictability. The secret of a long, happy married life is freshness. You need to make a real effort to maintain at least some of the excitement you had when you first got together. And one of the best ways of doing so is to continually surprise each other.
Anything unexpected, that breaks your daily routine is ideal.
Don't wait for birthdays or anniversaries to do something nice for the one you love.
Tip 6 - Compliments
We all like to, and sometimes need, to receive a compliment.
Couples tend to ease off complimenting one another when they get married because they assume it's no longer necessary.
But even married people like to feel good about themselves and a compliment is the best way to help them do so. However, don't go overboard. Ten compliments a day will have no more impact than one, well placed comment. Less is more.
Tip 7 - Resolve everything
Unless arguments and disagreements are resolved, they can fester in your mind and slowly begin to poison your marriage. To ensure a happy marriage you must communicate effectively.
It is a mistake to "agree to disagree" and then allow resentment to grow. Of course, you can't always avoid conflict and tension. But you can deal with it sensibly and maturely. Talk things through, reach a compromise, meet somewhere in the middle. There is always a satisfactory solution for both parties.
Tip 8 - Don't be defensive
It's only natural to become defensive when someone makes a complaint against you. You feel like you're being criticized or attacked so the barriers immediately go up.
However, this is a mistake, especially in married life. You must be able to take constructive criticism from your husband/wife in a calm, mature manner. If you simply become argumentative or respond with a complaint of your own, not only will an argument ensue but your spouse will become increasingly frustrated.
So be willing to accept when you're in the wrong, resolve the issue and move on.
Tip 9 - It's okay to argue
Arguments are a part of marriage. There really is no debating this point. All couples disagree about certain issues, and more often than not an argument will ensue.
Of course, the less arguments you have with your husband/wife the better. But on the whole, arguments should be viewed as a perfectly natural process in which you share your feelings of anger and frustration without blaming your spouse or taking them out on one another, just talking about them. As long as you're not having an argument every five minutes, there is no point getting upset about it.
Resolve your difference and move on. There is always something more important to worry about. And loving one another is more important than any issue or difference of opinion.
Tip 10 - Priceless Cuddles
The importance of cuddling cannot be overstated in a marriage.
Intimacy is crucial to a successful marriage and cuddles are the best non-sexual method of achieving it.
A long hug or just sitting in a loving embrace can powerfully convey your love and feelings for your husband or wife. It can provide levels of support and reassurance that sometimes transcends anything you can say.
Tip 11 - Accept your differences
No married couple is perfectly suited. Every husband and wife argues from time to time. This is simply a consequence of being two people with different ideas and experiences, living together in the modern world with all the pressures we put ourselves under.
Disagreements and differences of opinions will happen. The important thing is to deal with them in a calm and sensible manner. You will both need to compromise sometimes. It's the only way to keep your marriage on the right track.
Tip 12 - Admit when you're wrong
We all find it difficult to admit when we're wrong. But in a marriage, you simply have to put your pride to one side and bite the bullet.
It's all too easy to refuse to say… “I am sorry.” “Will you please forgive me?”… and wait for enough time to pass for the issue to go away.
However, without an apology the air cannot be fully cleared.
Resentment can slowly build and one day you may well regret not uttering the words… "I am sorry." “Will you please forgive me?”
Tip 13 - Remember the good times
Although it's best for your marriage to concentrate on the here and now, it can be beneficial to reminisce about the good time you've had.
Remembering that brilliant holiday you had together or recalling the time when your husband/wife organized a surprise birthday party for you, can help strengthen the bond between a couple.
Reminiscing about memorable events also gives you hope and expectation for similar enjoyable times in the future. It encourages you both to think, "You know what - we're actually quite good together."
Tip 14 - Show respect in public
Being disrespectful to your spouse is bad enough in private but in public it is unacceptable, disgraceful behavior. Too often, husbands and wives criticize or mock their other halves in the company of others. There is also a big difference between laughing with your spouse and laughing at them.
Do you really want to belittle the person you love the most? Do you really want to make them to feel embarrassed and demoralized?
You should always present a united front when you're out in public. Remember, you're a team. So when your spouse looks bad, so will you.
Tip 15 - Sex isn't everything
Our sexual relationship forms an important part of marriage and a lack of it can sometimes cause real problems. However, sex isn't everything. Sex won't make your marriage last if other elements such as trust and communication are not present. Most of us would love to have a great sex life all the time but usually it just doesn't happen.
So if you're not enjoying your sexual relationship in the bedroom, talk to your partner about it and try to find a solution. But don't act like the world has ended. Great relationships aren't built upon what happens between the sheets.
Tip 16 - Listen
Few marriage tips are as crucial as remembering to listen. One of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is to listen attentively. Turn the television off, put the magazine down, and engage eye contact.
Marriage is about sharing your life with the one you love. You should be the person your husband/wife talks to the most. So you must make a point of listening.
But listening doesn't just mean hearing what they are saying.
Listening involves gaining understanding of what your spouse is saying by asking such questions as, “This is what I understand you to be saying… (then in your own words, say what you understand them to be saying)… Then ask the question…“Is that correct?” Not only does your husband/wife know you are listening, they will feel valued... And another caveat… it is less likely that you will misunderstand one another.
Tip 17 - Romantic getaway
A romantic getaway is so much more than just a nice holiday for the two of you. It can provide the essential repairs and maintenance that your marriage desperately needs.
Quality time together, away from your daily lives, can reestablish the bonds of love that brought you together in the first place.It also helps keep the romance alive in your relationship, as well as providing the ideal opportunity to reinvigorate your sexual relationship.
Tip 18 - Shared activity
Some couples are always under each other's feet but others are hardly ever together. Marriage is all about unity and togetherness.
If you barely spend any time with your spouse, the ties that bind you together can soon come unraveled.
To keep the bonds of love in place, make an effort to find something (apart from sex) that you can do together. It can be a new hobby such as tennis or something as simple as walking together.
Tip 19 - Choose your words
The specific words you use can make an incredible difference in what you say and how it is received. It's all too easy in married life to add unnecessary negative words to what you're saying.
Using words like 'never' and 'always' is also not helpful. For example saying to your husband, "you never do the dishes" is simply not effective. It will only put him on the defensive and lead to a further argument. Instead, be specific and say, "Could you please do the dishes for me tonight?"
Tip 20 - Encouragement
Support and encouragement for your husband/wife is one of the fundamental requirements of a long, happy marriage. A marriage is a partnership and each party needs to be there for the other. We all need support at some times in our lives, and if we can't get it from our spouse then there is something seriously wrong.
It is also important to recognize when your support and encouragement is needed before you are asked for it; because by that time, it may be too late to have a significant effect.
Tip 21 - Take a break from the kids
You may love your kids with all your heart, and be willing to do anything for them, but sometimes you and your spouse need time away from them. When you have children, your life changes dramatically. You find yourself with very little time or energy for your marriage.
But it is important to occasionally take a break from your kids to give your marriage a much needed shot in the arm. Go away for the weekend or even just one night - anything that provides the quality time alone that your marriage has been so missing,
Tip 22 - Start the day with a kiss
Too many couples have no physical contact in the mornings before they each go their separate ways for the day. Bodily contact is an essential part of any marriage. It's all too easy to slip into a routine of never having any except when you're having sex.
So before you leave the house in the morning, share a little kiss.
It doesn't need to be a long, passionate kiss but it should be more than a quick peck on the cheek. It’s a kiss to say "I love you" so put some feeling into it.
Tip 23 - You are One
A marriage is a covenant… a man and a woman coming together to become One in mind, heart and spirit. Your life becomes entwined with that of your spouse and therefore so do your feelings and ultimately your level of happiness.
Although it's important to retain some sense of independence, you must work together in all aspects of life. As soon as you stop helping and supporting one another, cracks will begin to appear. The longer this goes on, the deeper the cracks become until the damage can become irreparable.
Tip 24 - Reassurance
Doubts and insecurities can creep into your mind at any given time.
Nobody is immune from these negative thoughts, and that includes your husband/wife.
Sometimes we need to be told, "everything is going to be alright" and who better to tell you than your spouse.
Reassurance from the one you love can feel like a warm blanket being wrapped around your shoulders on a cold day. It provides a feeling of safety and security and immediately sets to work expelling those negative thoughts from your head.
Tip 25 - I Love You
Why should you need to tell your spouse that you love them? Surely, they know that by now? Well, they probably do, but that doesn't mean you should never say those three magical words. On the contrary, you should say them as often as you can, as regularly as once every day.
Saying "I love you" reaffirms the bond of love between husband and wife, and reminds you both of the commitment you've made. And sometimes when you're partner is feeling down, those little words can make them feel a whole lot better.
Also, in some marriages, a spouse can occasionally wonder whether their other half actually still loves them. So don't be self conscious, tell your partner exactly what they mean to you.
